In defence of the New Year

New Year’s Eve has always been my favourite holiday.

I don’t think it’s an obvious pick for me. Those who know me well might not guess it. All the evidence suggests New Year’s might be my least favourite celebration of all; I’m not great at staying up past eleven, I can count all the nights I’ve spent in clubs on one hand, I get anxious around people who are too drunk or too high. But still, as the year draws to a close I find myself filled with a giddy excitement for the celebration that’s to come.

“Eugh, why?”

That’s usually the first thing someone says to you when you tell them you love New Year’s.

“No matter what you do, it’s always a disappointment. You build yourself up for this big, amazing night and it never lives up to your expectations.”

That’s the second.

To me, it makes perfect sense. As someone who feels anxious in clubs and struggles to stay up past eleven, the traditional New Year’s Eve celebration will always be a disappointment. But for the past few years I haven’t had a traditional New Year’s Eve. Instead, I’ve escaped from whatever city I find myself in to somewhere cozy and quiet. I’ve found people who want to know me and who I want to get to know. I’ve sat down with a bottle of wine, a book, a pen and a list of questions that will help me understand everything that’s changed about me over the past twelve months. Then, when the sun comes up, armed with a greater understanding of who I am right now— I make a plan for all the things I want to do next.

I want to be really clear about one thing: I don’t think New Year’s should be about changing yourself. There should never be one day a year where you take stock of all the things you don’t like about your life and try and course correct — that’s a process that should be happening all the time. This exercise is about getting to know yourself. Say your life was a jigsaw puzzle (I know it’s a horrid metaphor, thank you for loving me anyway) — New Year’s is the time when you get up from the table, make yourself a cup of tea and take pause. It’s the time to reflect on all the work you’ve done and look at all the pieces you’ve made fall into place. It’s the time to see what new things you can understand about the big picture you’re working towards. It’s the time to decide what part of the puzzle you want to focus on next.

So what follows is the framework I’ll be using this New Year’s Eve/Day to take stock of my life. To be purposeful about knowing myself, what I’ve learned, how I’ve changed, what work I still have to do — and to make a plan to help this new person be her absolute best fucking self in the year ahead. If you think it might be useful, then I’d love it if you did it too.

2018 Awards Season:
This is designed to make you curious and inquisitive about the year you’ve just had. Flick through your calendar or photos if it helps you remember.

1. What was your best meal?
2. What was the best book you read?
3. What was the best podcast you listened to?
4. What was the best film/tv show you saw?
5. What was the best concert you went to?
6. What was the best trip you went on?
7. What was the thing that made you laugh the hardest?
8. Who was the best friend to you?
9. What was the best skilled you acquired or honed?
10. What was the best adventure you went on?
11. What was the most rewarding exercise you did?
12. What was your best discovery?
13. What was the best sex or moment of intimacy you had?
14. What was the best date you went on?
15. What was the best animal you saw?
16. Who was the best stranger you encountered?
17. When did you look your best?
18. What was the best gift you gave and received?

Reflection questions
These questions are designed to help you understand how you’ve changed over the past year — what’s challenged you, what you’ve accomplished, and what you’ve enjoyed.

1. What have you learnt about yourself?
2. What have you understood about yourself?
3. What has changed you? How?
4. Of all the decisions you made, what stands out as the best and the worst?
5. When were you at your best?
6. What brought you joy?
7. In what ways did you impact the lives of others?
8. What do you want to celebrate?
9. What do you want to leave behind?
10. What still feels incomplete?
11. Who helped you over the past year? How will you show them your gratitude?

Vision questions
These questions are designed to help you set your plan and focus for the year ahead.

1. What parts of yourself do you want to spend more time with or get to know better?
2. What do you want to learn, try or experiment with?
3. What do you want to free yourself from?
4. What habits will you form?
5. How will you show love to yourself?
6. How will you show love to others?
7. What adventures will you seek?
8. What patterns or behaviours from last year will you bring with you?
9. How will you be brave?
10. What will you choose not to work towards or prioritise this year?
11. By this time next year, where you you want to be?
12. How will you remember and work towards this vision after today?

That’s it! At this point, you can choose to make some resolutions if you want to. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. But I think it’s much more important to use this marker of the passing of time to make sure you still know yourself, and you’re giving yourself the best chance of happiness, adventure and discovery in the year to come.

I hope it’s helpful.

Oh, and one more thing:

Happy New Year.